Off-topic: Transsexuals are Awesome{39}

I’m angry, you guys. I’m so angry I’m literally blogging. Two of my close friends got harassed at a bar and almost got into a fight last night. Like a few of my close friends, they’re both transsexuals, and lots of people in the world have a problem with that.

Lots of people think it’s okay to harass transsexuals, to shout at them, to call them names, to threaten them. Lots of people think it’s okay to commit violence against transsexuals, to assault, rape, and brutally murder them… but it’s not okay. I just want to say that right now.

In the past month, in the United States, there were I think four murders of transsexual women in the past month and a half or so, and another trans woman got convicted of manslaughter for defending herself from a drunk, coked up meth head who picked a fight with her, including smashing a bottle in her face, in front of witnesses (her sentencing hearing is early next month and I really hope that she gets the slap on the wrist she deserves instead of prison time).

And that’s just the violent crime that transsexuals are threatened with every day. In most places they can also legally be fired, evicted, denied medical care, kicked out of publicly accessible places, generally treated like deviant freaks, and sometimes arrested just for walking along the street – because police often suspect any transsexual of being a prostitute. It’s not just street thugs who hate on transsexuals. It’s cops, courts, family members, doctors, paramedics, I wouldn’t even be surprised to hear a story about firefighters refusing to put out a burning building where a transsexual lived – even though one of my other friends is a badass firefighter and she’s transsexual too… she’d save ALL THE PEOPLE!

Why does this shit happen? In fact, why am I telling you this?

Futanari characters are not the same as transsexuals. Some of you may like futanari porn, but not like transsexual porn (I am not one of those people, for the record, my favorite porn star is Bailey Jay… oh the things I would do to that girl). Many of you may not like reality to interfere with your fantasy. Most of you probably don’t give much thought to the real lives of transsexuals.

I want you to.

Two of my real life close friends could have gotten hurt. I’m glad they didn’t. They’re both wonderful people. One is my neighbor and lives with another transsexual, they have me over sometimes to watch kung fu movies on Netflix, or to play D&D. Her house is messy, her cat is almost comically mean, she cooks really well, she’s an educated feminist, and a snuggle-whore (she’ll snuggle with anybody). The other one plays WoW, and paintball, loves good beer, tells jokes so raunchy she can embarrass anyone, wants to be a cop, and looks great in a dress when she can be bothered to doll herself up.

In my life I’m generally surrounded by cute, smart, funny, nerdy gamers. Some of them are girls. Some of those girls have dicks and some have vaginas. Some of them are guys, and some of the guys have dicks and some have vaginas. The world should get the fuck over that. If they’re not your type, sexually, move on with your life! If they are someone’s type sexually, that person is not a freak. That person is not a freak.

Transsexuals aren’t some kind of fetish object. They’re just people. They’re wonderful people, they’re people who it’s okay to be friends with, to be attracted to, to DATE, to sleep with, to bring home to meet your parents, to marry. They’re just people who are sometimes so normal it’s boring! So normal in all ways except for one… well two. One is the obvious biological difference. Here’s the other difference:

Every (transitioning) transsexual knows the harassment and danger they face because of who they are, and they face it. Every single one of them is willing to brave that danger just to be true to themselves, to be who they really are, in their hearts – even if society doesn’t like it. Even if they get disowned by their families, even if they get killed. That is the most amazing thing in the world. That is also the most respectable thing in the world.

How much less bravery than that, does it take for anyone else to say they like and respect transsexuals? How much less bravery is required for anyone else to step in when someone talks shit about transsexuals and say “that’s bullshit, transsexuals are awesome”?  How much less bravery even than that, does it take for someone to say “transsexuals are just people, and they deserve fair and equal treatment”?  That’s all it takes to be an ally, to help make the world a better, safer place.

Compared to someone who faces death just to be true to themselves, how brave do you really have to be to say, “I’m not gay, that’s a girl – I don’t care if she has a dick.” ? Is that scary? Is that difficult? To stand up and be honest even if it makes other people uncomfortable?  Because it doesn’t sound like much to me…

Because that’s true! She is a girl! Trust me, I’m a lesbian. I know a girl when I see one (not that all lesbians agree about transsexuals). Guys have never done it for me. Once in a while I see a guy who is cute, or I like his personality so much that I feel a little tingly. But a hot girl makes my heart race, a hot girl makes me stupid! A hot girl makes me flirt so hard that I come out sounding like Zapp Branigan! >_< I’m not out to try to find “someone with a vagina”, or “someone who doesn’t have a penis”, that’s not my criteria. I’m out to find a woman, a woman who is smart and funny and sexy and nerdy and has a positive attitude, someone I get along with, who makes great jokes, likes my guitar-playing, and is not allergic to cats.  Then… sex is fun!  Just about everybody’s got hands and a mouth, and can operate sex toys, regardless of what else you want to do.

I’ve been amazed at how often I’ve found girls like that to date. And literally about half of the girls I’ve dated have been transsexuals. Why? Why the fuck not? I don’t care what genitals somebody has, because to me, sex is an interaction of people, with personalities, not an interaction of body parts. Hell, if they had both parts that would be great! I wish I had both!

I think most people interested in futanari porn take a step in that direction anyway, and I think that’s great! I want to live in a world were even self-identified STRAIGHT MEN can say “I think that girl is hot, and I would totally suck her cock”. Why NOT extend that fantasy into reality? Because believe me, sucking a girl’s cock is about the hottest thing ever (and interestingly, girls who take hormones don’t have sperm, so the semen that comes out isn’t nasty, it’s sweet like what comes out of any other woman).

Note: some transsexual women are very uncomfortable with having what they consider “the wrong parts” so as sexual partners they may prefer servicing, rather than receiving. I don’t recommend trying to suck a girl’s cock, if she’s not going to enjoy it. Likewise just because someone has a penis doesn’t mean they want to stick it in you – just about every transsexual I’ve ever spoken to has had no interest in fucking a guy in the ass. They usually think it’s gross. Just, FYI.

Ultimately though, it’s not all about sex. It’s about wonderful, interesting people who have the courage to face a world that doesn’t want them in it. People who are awesome.  Let’s just acknowledge it once in a while!

 

Let me just wrap up with a few notes on terminology, for those of you who want to be good allies to transsexuals and other interesting people:

  • Guy/Man/Dude – a person who presents himself as a man.  Treat him like a man and refer to him as “he/him”.
  • Girl/Woman/Chick – a person who presents herself as a woman.  Treat her like a woman and refer to her as “she/her”.
  • Gender or Gender Identity – a person’s internal sense of identity regarding whether they are a man or a woman or something else.
  • Transsexual, Transgender Person, or Trans Person – a person who was assigned one gender at birth, but identifies with the other – many transsexuals change (transition) from the assigned gender, to the one they prefer.  Sometimes they do that by taking hormones, having surgery, sometimes it’s just a change of clothing and public identity.  The degree to which trans people transition depends on what makes them most comfortable with themselves, and what they can afford.  I’m bad about this because I tend to conflate the terms “transsexual” and “transgender” – usually a transsexual is someone who wants to transition “all the way”, to have a sex change operation, and a transgender person is not necessarily going to do that… I’m not sure what else makes the terms different.
  • Cissexual, Cisgender Person, or Cis Person – a person who is not a transsexual – ie most people.  A person who is comfortable with the gender they were assigned at birth.  Since both types of people are PEOPLE, it’s a handy term to have when talking about them.  Also having the available terminology be “person” or “trans person” – it means that trans people are not “normal” by not being the default person.  All the trans people I’ve known are as normal (or not normal) as everybody else.
  • Genderqueer, Gender fluid, Genderfuck, a few related terms – a person who doesn’t necessarily identify with one gender or another, or changes their presentation of gender at different times, to suit their mood.
  • Intersex – someone who has a biologically ambiguous gender, and may choose to present as a man, a woman, or something else.
  • Transvestite – not a transsexual.  In U.S. terminology this is someone who dresses in the clothes commonly associated with the opposite gender, because doing so gives them a sexual thrill.  From what I can gather it’s usually straight men who do this as a sexual fetish, who are <em>sometimes</em> also attracted to other transvestites.  I know in the U.K. and probably lots of other places it’s conflated with other forms of crossdressing.  My favorite comedian, Eddie Izzard calls himself a transvestite, but in U.S. social studies terms, he’d be a crossdresser.
  • Crossdresser – not a transsexual either.  In U.S. terminology this is someone who dresses in the clothes commonly associated with the opposite gender because they enjoy it, or don’t care about society’s rules for how someone is supposed to dress.  It may or may not have any sexual connotation for them, and they may or may not dress in clothes typical to their gender at certain times as well.  Crossdressers are usually straight, not gay.
  • Drag Queen / Drag King – Usually a gay person, who enjoys dressing up in an exaggerated costume of the opposite gender, usually for the sake of performance, entertainment, and fun.  Sometimes they do it all the time, and sometimes it’s just a part-time thing.  Some drag performers end up realizing they’re transsexual and pursuing transition, but most don’t.
  • Tranny / Shemale – these are usually offensive terms.  I have never used them on my site.  They’re often the last words someone hears before being assaulted or murdered.  Some people on this list might use “tranny” as an affectionate term, but it’s a loaded word.  It shouldn’t be used by someone who is not a “tranny” themselves, any more than the “n-word” should be used by people who are not black.  Likewise lots of trans people don’t think the word should be used affectionately either.  It’s a symbol of the discrimination, danger, and oppression trans people face every day – and for someone who is not “one of them” to use it is to act in concert with that discrimination and oppression.  Also not a good way to make a first impression!
  • Dickgirl – okay I do use this term, along with futanari.  These terms aren’t specifically referring to transsexuals, and… I don’t see the negative in referring to futanari characters that way – it’s just a vulgar descriptive term.  I would never use that term to refer to a transsexual woman.
  • Heterosexual – someone who is attracted to people of the opposite gender, for example a man who is attracted to women.
  • Homosexual – someone who is attracted to the same gender, for example a woman who loves the ladies.
  • Bisexual – someone who is attracted to men or women.
  • Pansexual, Omnisexual, etc. – usually people who don’t care what gender other people are, to determine whether they’re attracted to them.
  • Asexual – people who either don’t feel sexual attraction at all, or are not interested in or don’t enjoy sexual activity with a partner, or sometimes even alone.  Some people literally don’t have a sex drive, others simply don’t want a sex partner, or are not capable of having a sex partner for whatever reason.  I like the fact that being Asexual is also called being Ace.  At least they have a cool name, because they must have a hell of a time, otherwise.
  • Queer – <em>usually</em> refers to anyone of a gender or sexual orientation outside of the mainstream.  This is a loaded term, since it is used as an insult by people who are not (openly) queer, but also a lot of queer people (like me) use it casually as a catch-all term for our fellow lesbians, bisexuals, trans people, drag performers, etc.  We’re such a welcoming and inclusive group that the acronym LGBT has expanded as far as LGBTQQIAP which is pretty cumbersome for conversation (that’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, asexual, and pansexual).  If you see a second A it refers to Allies, I just wouldn’t refer to Allies as queer people.
  • Ally – usually a straight, cis person who openly respects, likes, and supports gay and trans people (and the big list of queers, basically).  Sometimes they attend Pride parades and events (which are AWESOME by the way, gays really know how to throw a parade!), and participate in protests and rallies.  Sometimes they’re just people who openly state the opinion that these types of people don’t deserve discrimination and hatred, and should be given respect and equal rights.
  • Normal – this term is bullshit.

…whew.  I think I’ve got it out of my system now.  Back to your regularly scheduled porn. ^_^