News from the Pit of Despair

Hey guys, so this question has come up a bit recently (I’m paraphrasing), “Galaxy you charming, sexy doll, will you ever do a Galaxy Edition of SFK3?”

The answer is important:

Yes. When I create a Galaxy Edition for SFK3, it will be available as a cheaper Expansion Pack for the existing product, or as a standalone at full price. That means, if you already own Sexual Fantasy Kingdom vol. 3: Black Magic, you’ll be able to get the Expansion version of the update for less than the full price of the Galaxy Edition (I can only promise that for the Windows PC version… I’ll see what I can do about the Mac version, when the time comes).

If you don’t have it already, you can click here to order it now! It really is a great piece of work, a lot of people say it’s my best so far… and here’s another HD wallpaper:

The Magistrate's Dungeon

The verdict? Guilty… guilty… guilty…

Of course, that’s because I haven’t finished SFK5 yet, where we’ll see how the Magistrate ended up so evil in the first place.

Another question you may ask is “Why Galaxy? Why haven’t you finished SFK5 yet?” And the answer is simple, painful, and stupid…

What I probably have is Atypical Depression (all the lethargy and self-destructive behavior of regular depression, hidden behind an occasional positive and optimistic attitude). I don’t like to talk about it, because I don’t like to admit that it can beat me sometimes, but it’s there like this dark little curse. It makes me sleep all the time, sabotage friendships, and rebel against responsibilities (and then feel guilty all the time), because a part of me needs to destroy any chance I have at happiness or success… because I guess I feel like I don’t deserve it. That little nagging part of me feels like I only deserve to be sad, to be a failure, and to have everyone I care about hate me. Consciously, I don’t believe that’s what I deserve, but… well, that’s why it’s a mental disorder.

It’s actually pretty amazing that I’ve accomplished as much as I have, in life. But that’s because I can beat the curse, sometimes.

I love you guys, more than you know! And I owe you guys so much! It makes me so happy to always have people coming by here (or my deviantART profile) to wish me well or say how much they love my work! It really, really does. You might think, when you send me a nice comment or email, that I barely notice – but actually, it always brightens my day!

…and if I’m delaying my work, and fucking around, and not updating my site, and leaving you frustrated with me and wondering what’s going on, it’s because the curse is winning, just then.

But here’s all the good news about this: first, I’m identifying and admitting the problem – and being conscious of what behavior is positive and intentional, and what behavior is caused by the disorder. Second, I’m starting therapy for it, because I really want to fix it! That includes identifying the root causes (in my childhood and stuff), and a supposedly really successful therapeutic method called CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Third, to help the process along, for a while I’m going to be taking an anti-depressant that has worked for me in the past… just until I learn the skills I need to get rid of the curse.

Full disclosure: since typing the word “painful” up above, I’ve cried about a gallon, and had to go lay down for a while – to be able to actually write all this, and be this honest about what’s wrong with me. This has been a hard thing to write about, but I need to be honest about it. And I want you to know the truth about me…

Because I don’t want you to give up on me.