Merry Christmas!

It’s that time of year, when we remember Chris, and the wonderful things he did.  I decided to celebrate by doing MATH!

I determined that to reach all the children on Earth who celebrate Christmas, Santa must travel at approximately 67 million miles per hour, or 10% of the speed of light, consuming an amount of energy equivalent to the calories in 1.1 quadrillion cookies! (or the entire electricity consumption of the United States over the 12 days of Christmas)

Assuming 720 million children (24% of the Christian population of 2.3 billion, plus a similar fraction of the 15% of the non-Christian population who celebrate Christmas), who have been Nice and receive presents, or Naughty and receive a lump of coal, spread out over the land surface of the Earth – since the distance must be covered, even if no children are present, 2 metric tons of Santa, sleigh, and reindeer… an adult reindeer weighs around 300-350 lbs, just like Santa! (and we’ll assume the cargo is in some kind of massless state or extradimensional Bag of Holding), and about 150 calories per cookie or 625 joules. AND, that’s if the task is divided among Santa Claus and the other gift-delivering beings in other Christmas traditions, such as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Christkindl and Grandfather Frost, all assumed to be piloting vehicles of similar mass…

And of course, a heavy dose of Fudge Factor, because who doesn’t love fudge!

Anyway, enjoy the relativistic effects of proximity to Santa’s hypersleigh as it burns through the lower atmosphere like a nuclear comet, and I hope you all get what you really want this year! And I hope that what you all want this year, is to buy an extra expensive copy of Sexual Fantasy Kingdom: Pirate Amnesty, or one of my other products! So I can go out and get what I really want this year! ^_^

The only Christmasy picture I had was of this angel, so here is a picture of a Christmas angel.

Christmas Angel

I bet you’d like to have her on top of your Tannenbaum! ZING!