Hey you guys!
Some of you have been worried about me lately, so I figured it was about time! >_< I’m sorry I haven’t posted anything . I’ve had other posts on Patreon in the past while, but that’s mostly been small talk… There’s also some big talk I need to cover.
My health has rapidly deteriorated in the last three months or so, and I’ve been getting more and more worried about what will happen. I usually think big, all about the future (that’s how I’ve managed to have so many projects on my plate)! But it’s getting difficult to do that. I’m kind of getting scared regarding how much future I have. It turns out I’ve given myself a serious heart condition.
I don’t really want to go into all the details. It’s been painful, exhausting, weird, emotional, and scary – mostly exhausting – and I don’t like it one bit. I’m going back to the doctor in a week or so, hopefully to get started on what will be a successful treatment plan. I’m young enough (and I hope it’s been caught early enough) that it could be totally reversible and I could be back to my usual chipper self in a few months!
Or I could die.
Let me tell you, feeling your heart jumping around in your chest all day makes you really look at your life. Like, where it’s been: 8 years ago today, I released the original version of SFK1, thinking I might be able to earn some spare change from a hobby. I didn’t like who or what or where I was, or how I was, for that matter, and I’d never done very much of anything up to that point in my life. Really, I’d never been a happy person, or a successful one.
In eight years, I moved across the country and started a new life, I made my first truly great friends, and I’ve been more of the person I hoped I could be and lived more of the life I hoped I could live. I haven’t always been happy during the entire time, as you guys well know, but at least I was finally able to be happy some of the time. But most importantly, in that time I started a business that has kept me afloat for years, through the good times and the rough times. I’ve gotten to be an artist! A professional artist, doing mostly what I want to do, on mostly my own terms! That’s a dream a lot of people don’t get to achieve, and there are some artists out there now who have gotten to achieve it because they were inspired by me – and ended up getting way better than me at what they do which makes me really proud, actually.
I know exactly how fortunate I’ve been, and how wonderful all of you guys have been to me, and I wish I had been more wonderful to you. But what I wish for most is to fix my stupid life so I’ll have more time to do all this great, wild, silly, beautiful stuff I get to do! I have so many more stories to tell!
You’ll see. At least, let’s hope you will. Realistically, I may be a little laid up for a while regardless of how this all turns out, so if I’m out of touch for a while again, don’t immediately assume the worst. And if you’re the type, I would totally appreciate you sending your positive vibes, prayers, or well wishes my way! I’ll do my best to get better, and be better.
All my love to you guys! <3
P.S. Don’t smoke. Don’t take risks with your health. You’re not invincible. If any of you guys build a time machine, go back to eight years ago and send me a very sternly-worded email about that.
P.P.S. I’ve been really shy about showing anyone this, but what the hell. Over a few years between maybe 2009 and 2014 I recorded some songs. I used to really want to be a professional musician, but I get to do more fun stuff as an artist, and besides I can’t sing in front of anyone until I’ve had a few drinks! >_<
EDIT: Thank you so much for the well wishes, you guys! I’ll definitely keep you posted on how it’s going. The other news from yesterday is OMG MY GIRLFRIEND ASKED ME TO MARRY HER! She gave me her grandmother’s ring and everything! O_O As most of you know, it’s now legal in the United States since June, for us to get married… We’ve been dating for a year and a half or so, but we’ve been friends for years, and we’ve been to each other’s family holidays and stuff, and her family loves me and my family loves her, so… it was kind of just a matter a time before one of us asked. Since my health has got us thinking more about the present than the future, she said she didn’t want to keep putting off something that she knew she really wanted. Me neither! *Squeeee!*
The very practical benefit of this is that I’ll be able to get on her medical insurance, which is for Univeristy staff (since she’s a grad student) – which is amazing insurance! So, I think my prognosis has gotten a lot better.
Oh yeah, and I’ll be marrying somebody who is really smart, funny, adorable, pervy, and fun to be around, who thinks she’s lucky to have me, and can’t wait to get a high-paying science career so she can be my sugar mama! ^_^ I haven’t talked about her much since the last girlfriend I talked about on here died, but… she’s part of the reason I’ve been able to be happy and get my life back together after that. She’s my number one special girl, and the only person I’ve ever dated where I didn’t even have any doubts that we’d be together forever. Or you know, until I die– I’M NOT BEING MORBID! Her family is Scandinavian and they live forever, she’s only twenty-three and her family elders live to be 90-100! O_O I’m thirty-*coughsomething* and my French-Canadian/Metis family elders live into their 70s.
BUT forty years with my favorite person sounds pretty good to me! I’ll do my best to get healthy so I can stick around for at least that long! And realistically, that’s a heck of a lot of porn I’ll still be able to give you guys, so here’s hoping we’ll all have a lot more fun together. ^_^